Danger! Death Cloud!

"That's the most dangerous thing that has ever happened at Jonesboro High School!" Those were the angry words spoken to me by none other than our beloved assistant principal Mr. Province. Even today, I vividly remember his bulging eyes, the vein threatening to pop on his perspiring forehead, and those red, irritated hands. God! Those red, irritated hands! Allow me to explain.

First though, introductions. My name is Stephen Hester, and I am whom Marcie was referring to in her previous blog post. As she mentioned, I was in a bunch of plays, had a minor role in a Bigfoot hoax (more on that later), co-founded the photography club (which we really wanted to call "The Potato Club") and wrote (until I was banned) for The Golden Times. However, I was also a photographer (until I was banned) for The Golden Times as well, which gets us back to my story.

As a photographer, I had access to the JHS darkroom, which is where we would develop the back & white photos for the newspaper. There was a particularly nasty chemical combination we used in the development process called "Stop Bath", which is made from highly concentrated acetic acid that was kept in a separate container in the darkroom. We photographers amused ourselves by constantly trying to trick others into inhaling deeply straight from the jug of acid. If successful, the subject would double over, coughing and hacking, saying things like, "I'm going to die." All in all, pretty funny.

On this particular day, Kevin Province (some relation to Mr. Province) was exercising his No. 2 right in the bathroom on the second floor next to the math department. Jay Melton and I thought this would be an excellent time to turn out the light in the bathroom and pour concentrated acetic acid all around the stall that Kevin currently occupied. As expected, he coughed and hacked and said he thought he was going to die. Again. All in all, pretty funny.

During the next period though, I was called to the Principal's Office. As I sat in the antechamber to that office, I noticed Principal Roger "Cold Fish Handshake" Callahan, Mr. Province and Mrs. Gaines sitting around a table with the now empty jug of acetic acid in the middle. Eventually Mr. Province emerged with the bulging eyes, popped-out vein and red, irritated hands -- red and irritated because he had spent the last thirty minutes on his knees cleaning the acid from the bathroom floor. He explained that the acid had mixed with the industrial strength, high-school-grade bathroom floor sanitizer/cleaner and formed a Death Cloud that was currently moving in an eastward direction at 3 mph down the math wing. Evacuation was being considered.

Needless to say, I was sent home in disgrace and subsequently banned for life from the JHS darkroom. My high school photography days were finished.